Filet - O - Facts

Live Chat with AT&T Wireless Representative

Please wait for a site operator to respond.

You are now chatting with ‘Emily Mercer’

E Mercer: Hello Ms. Amici, thank you for chatting with AT&T today. How can I help you with your question regarding your plan?

John Amici: good morning

E Mercer: Good morning.

John Amici: Are you able to put me in touch with someone that can help me with my cellular phone account?

E Mercer: I can definitely assist you with your wireless account.

John Amici: that’s fantastic

E Mercer: Is this about your plan?

John Amici: it is, crazy how you knew that

John Amici: I just flew back from Ireland. And boy are my arms tired. LOL

E Mercer: Wow, welcome back.

John Amici: thank you.

E Mercer: Had a nice vacation?

John Amici: Oh, it was great. First time in Asia

John Amici: but my cats would say otherwise

John Amici: :(

John Amici: thank you.

E Mercer: Did they missed you?

John Amici: I’m not sure, they can’t speak because they are cats

John Amici: but they looked like they did

E Mercer: :)

E Mercer: With you being back, you would not need your roaming plans?

John Amici: and one passed away

E Mercer: Oh, that’s heart breaking :(

John Amici: yeah - it is

John Amici: especially since I was supposed to be catsitting but went on vacation and got drunk for 4 days instead

John Amici: LMAO

John Amici: anyway

E Mercer: Yeah, about your plan, you will not need the roaming features since you’re back.

John Amici: correct

John Amici: are you able to remove them

E Mercer: I can have it removed now. So those are the data and messaging.

John Amici: it’s Henry and Marla

John Amici: oh, yes data and roaming

John Amici: i thought you were asking about the cats

E Mercer: :)

E Mercer: Nothing to worry about your plan, data and messaging for roaming are removed.

John Amici: I have one more question

E Mercer: Yes, go ahead please.

John Amici: is there every any confusion between roaming and romeing when someone is going to italy and want to change their plan?

John Amici: because people want to roam around in rome but want to avoid roaming charges I bet

John Amici: makes my head hurt to think about a little

E Mercer: It made me feel the same way.

John Amici: wow, that was uncalled for

E Mercer: If they are raoming around Rome, they wil be charged for roaming.

John Amici: not if they call you first to add roaming in rome

John Amici: maybe there’s someone in your marketing department we could speak with about this

E Mercer: There are still charges even they call us before roaming to Rome but that will be on a discounted price.

John Amici: right, but at least they are aware of the charges first

E Mercer: Yes.

John Amici: did I exceed the data I was allotted on my roaming plan?

E Mercer: No you did not go over.

John Amici: whew

John Amici: because I took A LOT of pictures

E Mercer: You can also download myAT&T app that will provide you easy access to account information by allowing you to view usage, obtain bill summaries, pay bills, manage features, elect paperless bill, and obtain Wi-Fi access support conveniently from your device.

John Amici: now you sound like a commercial

E Mercer: That is another option for you to have an easy access to your account.

John Amici: it’s nice to have options

John Amici: but sometimes you can have too many options

John Amici: like with cereal. i mean jeez

E Mercer: You’re correct on that Ms. Amici. Aside from this do you have any more questions regarding your wireless account?

John Amici: I think we covered everything was there anything you needed to ask me?

E Mercer: No, we’re all set. It has been a pleasure assisting you.

John Amici: likewise. have a great month

E Mercer: Thank you.

for more things like this, follow me on twitter @sheriffmooch

Craigslist Ad - Free Styrofoam and Cardboard Picture Frame Corner Protectors

From: John

To: Kevin 

Sent: Wednesday, January 2, 2013 7:38 PM

Subject: hello

I am very interested in the styrofoam and cardboard picture frame corner protectors.  Are they still available?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/zip/3493922213.html

From: Kevin

To: John

Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 12:39 AM

Subject: hello

yes, come and get them. I should be there tomorrow in the afternoon. Call or text me when you can come by.

XXX Union Avenue

Brooklyn, NY 11211

From: John

To: Kevin

Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 9:46 AM

Subject: hello

Hey Kevin, thanks for getting back to me.

I see that you sent this e-mail at 12:49am yesterday, which is technically today. What time did you go to bed last night? This will help me determine if you meant for me to pick up the styrofoam and cardboard on Friday or Saturday. 

Thanks!

John

Sent from my iPhone

From: Kevin

To: John

Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 2:52 PM

Subject: hello

If you can still come by today between 4-6pm that would be great. Otherwise it’ll have to wait till next week.

Sent from my iPhone

From: John

To: Kevin

Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 3:12 PM

Subject: hello

Great. So you were referring to today, Friday. I’ll do my best to get there between 4 and 6. What time zone are you in?

Sent from my iPhone

From: Kevin

To: John

Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 4:05 PM

Subject: hello

I’m a bit of a night owl. I’m local here in nyc. I was referring to today friday.

Now I won’t be there till 4:30pm. Call me if you need to. 305 342 XXXX.

From: John

To: Kevin

Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 4:13 PM

Subject: hello

I used to be a night owl. Now I’m an early bird. LMAO. 

Don’t think I’ll be able to get there this afternoon (eastern standard time). 

Visiting hours are until 8 and I’d like to stay as long as possible since she’s in for another 10 months. :(

I will call your phone if I need to. Do you have a black iphone or a white iphone?

Sent from my iPhone

From: Kevin

To: John

Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 4:58 PM

Subject: hello

Hey John,

You were interested in my styrofoam and frame corners correct? Just checking.

Contact me next week to set up a pick up.

Thanks,

Kevin

From: John

To: Kevin

Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2013 4:22 PM

Subject: hello

Oh yeah. Frame corners included. You don’t run 24 miles of the marathon right? LMAO. 

When is a good day for me to rollerblade over to pick everything up?

Sent from my iPhone

Craigslist Ad - Free Eggs

From: John
To: Robert
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 10:17 AM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs -

Hello. Are the eggs still available?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/zip/3351973197.html



From: Robert
To: John
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 10:31 AM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs -

yes im on west 3rd and Quentin



From: John
To: Robert
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 10:44 AM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs –

Ok great. I feel bad hitting you up for the eggs, but my hen passed away last week :(
And I HATE how expense Whole Foods and how difficult soup kitchens can be about selling their eggs.

How much are you asking for the eggs? Also, what color are they?
Sent from my iPhone



From: Robert
To: John
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 1:40 PM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs -

I’m sorry I gave them away. I tried calling u but no answer.

Sent from T-Mobile G2 with Google



From: John
To: Robert
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 1:56 PM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs –

Robert, I thought we had a deal. I’m standing on 2nd and Quentin right now. The call probably didn’t go through because I was on the subway. Or because I never actually gave you my phone number so it was impossible for me you to call me.

What do we do now?

Sent from my iPhone 5S Nexus Galaxy Evo



From: Robert
To: John
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 2:03 PM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs –

why did u think we had a deal?



From: John
To: Robert
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 3:08 PM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs –

I thought we had a gentleman’s agreement, and now you’re reegging on the deal. I also thought as a fellow egg eater you would show a little bit more compassion over the passing of my hen. I guess I thought wrong.

Sent from my iPad Mini Nano

From: Robert
To: John
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 3:14 PM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs –

I’m sorry John. I thought I sent that email in time to let you know. I tried you first but it went to voicemail. Sorry again.



From: John
To: Robert
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 5:44 PM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs –

It’s alright Robert. I’m not mad. (Even though you just lied again about trying to call me.)

He was good hen, that’s all. But Kevin was only 278 in hen years so it came as a bit of a surprise. I didn’t mean to get so emotional. I’ll just eat chicken for dinner instead.

Sent from my Nintendo DS



From: Robert
To: John
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 6:02 PM
Subject: Re: 9 out of 12 eggs –

That should make you feel better.

Craigslist Ad - Free Kittens

From: John
To: Crystal

Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:18 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Hello.  I’m am very interested in the kittens.  Are they still available?

Original post:
http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/zip/3341592593.html

From: Crystal
To: John
Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:23 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Yes they are available but the person who has them has just informed me that each kitten is $20 , they come with food , litter , up to date vaccinations , and their spay . I will be taking down the post in the free section . If you are still interested please let me know . Sorry for the mix up .

From: John
To: Crystal

Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:37 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Hey Crystal, thanks for getting back to me.  Should I respond to the new posting where the kittens are listed for $20, or should we just continue along on this e-mail exchange.  Please let me know ASAP.

Thanks.
John

From: Crystal
To: John
Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:42 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

We can continue through here if you’d like to adopt either or both. Sorry again for the mix up ! If you could answer these few questions , that’d be great . Why would you like to adopt one of these gorgeous kitties ? Do you have or have had any pets in the past ? Do you have a car so that you make pick the cat up ? What kind of housing do you live in , if apartment , does your landlord allow pets ? Thank you ! :)

From: John
To: Crystal

Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:47 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Ok good.  Craigslist is a BIG website and I’m not sure I would be able to locate your posting.  I’m glad that we can continue our friendship on this existing e-mail chain. LOL.

I would be happy to answer the questions below.  I also have some questions for you as well.  Here are my answers in the order you asked them:

1. I have always wanted a kitten since I was 26 years old.
2. I have had pets in the past. Mostly fish and sloths.
3. I do not personally have a car, but my friend does. Actually it’s a pick up truck. He’s a cowboy! LOL
4. I live in a brick building.
5. I’m not sure what my religious beliefs have to do with owning a pet, but yes, my Lord loves all living creatures.

You mentioned in your first e-mail that the cats come with food, spay (whatever THAT is) and litter. I’ll take the food and the spay, but I’m not taking someone else’s trash. Not to mention littering is illegal.

How much experience do you have selling kittens on the internet?
Do you own a car?

John

From: Crystal
To: John
Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:52 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

For 5. I meant like a superintendent of an apartment building . Some people do not allow pets . Spay is desexing them so they don’t have unwanted babies . Cat litter is what you use in a litter pan . They poop and pee in it and then it gets scooped out and tossed . I don’t sell animals . I work with people who find animals , who can no longer care for them , etc . This woman spent her own money on the cats and would like to receive a bit back on what she spent . And no I do not own a car .

From: John
To: Crystal

Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:58 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Crystal,

Superintendent?! No way! I haven’t gone to detention in years. LMAO ROTFL. I have seen pets in my building though, and they have owners.

Desexing? Why wouldn’t you just neuter the kittens? 

You work with people who find animals??? They’re called zookeepers.

This all seems pretty confusing to me.  I don’t care if you don’t have a car or a cowboy to drive you around. You drive a hard bargain.  I suppose that’s your job since your a Kitten Agent.  Would you take $60 for the pair?

John

From: Crystal
To: John
Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 8:59 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Spay is for females . Neuter is for males . & its only $40 not $60 . And I’m unsure if you are serious about adopting them . It seems you’re trolling me .

From: John
To: Crystal

Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 9:04 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Well, now I’m unsure if I want to adopt them.  Especially since you’re accusing me of calling you a troll.  How would I even know how tall you are.  I don’t even have skype.

From: Crystal
To: John
Sent: Monday, October 15, 2012 9:02 PM
Subject: Re: kittens

Please do not contact me anymore.

Live Chat With Time Warner Cable

User John_ has entered room

Analyst Steve Adam has entered room

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:31:49 EDT 2012)>

Hello! Thank you for choosing Road Runner Internet Technical Chat Support. My name is Steve Adam. I will help you.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:31:58 EDT 2012)>

great

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:32:29 EDT 2012)>

who should type first?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:32:44 EDT 2012)>

Please go ahead with your question.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:33:01 EDT 2012)>

ok, happy Columbus Day by the way

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:33:24 EDT 2012)>

(if you celebrate the holiday)

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:33:36 EDT 2012)>

Thank you and wish you the same.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:33:43 EDT 2012)>

Thanks!!!!!!!

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:33:54 EDT 2012)>

ok, so I bought a computer a few years ago

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:34:04 EDT 2012)>

it's silver with an apple on it

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:34:04 EDT 2012)>

Okay.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:34:19 EDT 2012)>

Alright.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:34:38 EDT 2012)>

and when  i plug the cord in, it allows me to go on the internets

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:34:43 EDT 2012)>

to surf the web

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:35:04 EDT 2012)>

Okay.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:35:06 EDT 2012)>

but i don't want to use the cord anymore.  it gets tangled up and i trip on it and fall down sometimes

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:35:25 EDT 2012)>

:(

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:35:57 EDT 2012)>

and my co-worker with blonde hair and nice shoes has a silver computer too

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:36:04 EDT 2012)>

but she doesn't have a cord

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:36:16 EDT 2012)>

but can still surf the web

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:36:29 EDT 2012)>

(crazy, i know)

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:36:36 EDT 2012)>

can i do this too?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:36:42 EDT 2012)>

Okay.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:37:00 EDT 2012)>

It seems she is using the router.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:37:19 EDT 2012)>

You can also go wireless using the router.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:37:31 EDT 2012)>

Do you have the router?

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:37:48 EDT 2012)>

i'm not sure

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:37:53 EDT 2012)>

what does it look like?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:38:27 EDT 2012)>

It will look like a small squared box.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:38:50 EDT 2012)>

ok

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:38:53 EDT 2012)>

like this?

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:38:54 EDT 2012)>

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Router_(woodworking)

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:39:28 EDT 2012)>

Absolutely correct.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:39:50 EDT 2012)>

ok, and the plug connects into that instead?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:40:02 EDT 2012)>

Yes.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:40:12 EDT 2012)>

and no wire needs to go into the silver computer with the apple on it?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:41:44 EDT 2012)>

This will be hard wired.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:42:04 EDT 2012)>

Do you have other devices to access the internet?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:42:34 EDT 2012)>

By using the router you can go wireless with other devices.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:42:48 EDT 2012)>

i have a beeper, but that takes AAA batteries

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:43:03 EDT 2012)>

can i buy a router at Radio Shack?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:43:19 EDT 2012)>

Yes. Sure.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:43:30 EDT 2012)>

ok, once i buy it - do i need to do anything else

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:43:40 EDT 2012)>

like, contact time warner again?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:44:29 EDT 2012)>

If you find any difficulty with connecting the router, you can call our local office support team.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:44:43 EDT 2012)>

Do you have the contact number of the local office support team?

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:44:54 EDT 2012)>

otherwise, i can just plug it in and it will work?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:45:13 EDT 2012)>

Yes.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:45:16 EDT 2012)>

It will.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:45:38 EDT 2012)>

don't you just love technology?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:46:33 EDT 2012)>

I love technology. But not addicted to that.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:46:37 EDT 2012)>

How about you?

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:47:05 EDT 2012)>

great question.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:47:34 EDT 2012)>

i like technology, but not as much as other stuff

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:47:34 EDT 2012)>

I hope you too love the technology.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:47:55 EDT 2012)>

Great.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:47:58 EDT 2012)>

No worries.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:48:01 EDT 2012)>

i like horses a lot

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:48:26 EDT 2012)>

Sounds great.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:48:36 EDT 2012)>

what does?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:50:02 EDT 2012)>

It sounds great that you like horses.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:50:15 EDT 2012)>

Even I like the horse riding.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:50:51 EDT 2012)>

really?! that sounds dangerous

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:51:11 EDT 2012)>

have you ever used technology to ride a horse?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:51:31 EDT 2012)>

No never.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:52:02 EDT 2012)>

i don't mean to beat a dead horse

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:52:13 EDT 2012)>

but when was the last time you rode a horse?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:53:01 EDT 2012)>

It's been long time. But I don't remember the date and time.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:53:21 EDT 2012)>

but the horse was alive, right?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:53:26 EDT 2012)>

Usually not getting much time to go for a horse ride now a days.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:53:38 EDT 2012)>

Yes.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:53:58 EDT 2012)>

Alright, John.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:53:56 EDT 2012)>

what's been taking up so much of your time now a days?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:55:41 EDT 2012)>

We are working hard on assisting our customers.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:56:32 EDT 2012)>

i bet your office looks like a beehive.  full of tons of worker bees.  eager to help people with technology

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:57:32 EDT 2012)>

Not that much. We are calm and always ready to help our customers.

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:57:48 EDT 2012)>

Alright.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:57:55 EDT 2012)>

i was talking about calm worker bees

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:58:03 EDT 2012)>

that had their stingers removed

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:57:48 EDT 2012)>

Alright.

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:58:03 EDT 2012)>

I like to think of myself as honey

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:58:03 EDT 2012)>

And Time Warner is the calm worker bee 

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:57:48 EDT 2012)>

Can I assist you with anything other than the router?

Steve Adam(Mon Oct 8 13:57:48 EDT 2012)>

Alright, John it was nice talking with you

John_(Mon Oct 8 13:58:03 EDT 2012)>

Likewise Chad

Craigslist Ad - Free Boxes

On Wed, May 30, 2012 at 8:57 PM, John Amici wrote:

Hello.  I am very interested in the free boxes.  Are there any more left?
http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/zip/3047771663.html

On Wed May 31, 2012, at 12:43 AM, Eric wrote:

Hi John,

You are the first to respond!  They are all yours if you want.  Will you be taking all 17 and can you pick them up on Saturday?

Thanks!
Eric

On Thu, May 31, 2012 at 11:26 AM, John Amici  wrote:

Hey Eric,

17 boxes?! I’m not sure that i’ll need that many. The box-to-cat ratio only needs to be 2:1. And i only have 8 cats. 

What do you think?

John

Sent from my iPhone

On May 31, 2012, at 2:41 PM, Eric wrote:

lol, I hadn’t realized scientists finally got around to publishing a ratio!  Still though, a 2:1 box-to-cat ratio @ 8 cats, that still puts you in the 16 box range.

I only ask because a couple people asked me to contact them if any boxes were left over.  Okay, let me know how many you think you’ll want.

Thanks!

Eric

On Thu, May 31, 2012 at 4:08 PM, John Amici wrote:

Hello Joe. 

Actually I miscounted. There’s only 7 cats. I forgot that I lost one as part of a bet during the NHL finals last night. :(

I will take 14 boxes. Do have a box that I can put them all inside to transport them?

John

Sent from my iPhone

On May 31, 2012, at 5:13 PM, Eric wrote:

You…lost a cat in a bet?  Sorry, this sounds like a great story but sorry for your loss!

I’m afraid I don’t have any boxes to put them in.  Will you be walking?  14 of these boxes will be very awkward to carry.  The only thing I can think of is maybe taping them together with a little handle made of yet more tape.  It’ll help if you are tall.

Is 86th Street & Ridge Blvd good for you?

On Thu, May 31, 2012 at 5:38 PM, John Amici wrote:

Joe,

I can see how you would think losing a cat in a bet would be funny. Especially if you knew he only had 3 legs and one ear. 

I suppose we could tape the boxes together. I’m about 5’6” (5’10” in heels) so I’m not sure if they would drag (no pun intended) or not. Maybe I’ll just take my segway over and we can pull the boxes in a wagon. Do you have a wagon? If so, what are the dimensions?

Sent from my iPhone

On Thu, May 31, 2012 at 11:23 PM, Eric wrote:

Hi John,

I can’t help but wonder what the other guy put up.  What does one put up when someone bets a three-legged-one-eared cat?

I’m afraid I don’t have a wagon or any comparable substitute.  Can we tape the boxes directly to the segway?  Like cardboard armor?

If you decide to carry it, would you prefer one taped bundle of 14 or two bundles of 7?

On Jun 2, 2012, at 8:28 AM, Eric wrote:

Hi John,

Please let me know when I should meet you.  I have to be in the city this afternoon, so the latest I can meet you is 11-11:30 this morning.

Thanks!

On Sat, Jun 2, 2012 at 10:13 AM, John Amici wrote:

Hey Joe,

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I got married last night.

You mentioned some great ideas for transporting the boxes, but i’m not going to be able to meet you today. I’m in the Las Vegas airport and my flight doesn’t land until late this afternoon. I hope they don’t lose my luggage!!!!!!!

John

Sent from my iPhone 5GS

On Jun 2, 2012, at 10:28 AM, Eric wrote:

Dude!  You’re like that guy from the Dos Equis commercials!

Well congratulations and best of luck to you and your wife!

Craigslist Ad - Free Hole Puncher

On Apr 26, 2012, at 11:23 AM, John Amici wrote:

Hello. I am very interested in the hole puncher. Is it still available?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/zip/2971424269.html

On Apr 26, 2012, at 12:01 PM, Alison wrote:

yes! I’m near the Lorimer L stop…will be home later tonight and tomorrow before noon.

thanks,

a

On Apr 26, 2012, at 12:07 PM, John Amici <johnamici21@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hey Alison,

That’s great news.  My old hole puncher fell out my apartment window with my cat :(

How much are you asking for it?

John

On Apr 26, 2012, at 12:18 PM, Alison wrote:

Oh no! Two dollars would be great:)

Sent from my iPhone

On Thu, Apr 26, 2012 at 12:37 PM, John Amici <johnamici21@yahoo.com> wrote:

$2 sounds like a great deal even though I reread the ad and it was originally free. But the stock market is up today and also inflation. 

Have you ever tried to stretch her out to 22 or 25 sheets at once, or was 20 your max?

On Thu, Apr 26, 2012 at 12:43 PM, Alison wrote:

haha, yeah. I would give it to you for free. or $1 would be cool. 

oh - you know, i havent really had that many pages to do at once. if you have some, please feel free to test it out!

On Apr 26, 2012, at 12:50 PM, John Amici <johnamici21@yahoo.com> wrote:

Maybe we could meet in the middle at .50 cents?

I would like to see if she could get through 24 pages. Do you have a telephone book or a Readers Digest or a Victorias Secret catalog or a GQ magazine or an old Harry Potter book or a lot of Chinese food menus that we could stack and try to squeeze through?

On Thu, Apr 26, 2012 at 1:02 PM, Alison wrote:

Hmmm. I could probably find something. 

On Apr 27, 2012, at 8:38 AM, Alison wrote:

So are you coming for this? I got another guy who’s interested. I’ll be home later tonight or various times over the weekend. 

On Apr 27, 2012, at 10:50 AM, John Amici <johnamici21@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hey Alison, sorry for not getting back to you sooner. Another one of my cats passed away. I really need to start closing my windows!

That was my uncle who responded to your ad. He collects hole punchers and squirrels. How much is he offering for her?

John

Sent from my iPhone 5GS

On Apr 27, 2012 at 1:02 PM, Alison wrote:

I’m not sure you’re serious about this. the other guy is coming to pick up the hole puncher this afternoon.

On Apr 27, 2012, at 2:43 PM, John Amici <johnamici21@yahoo.com> wrote:

Damn. Well, if another hole puncher shows itself in the next couple of weeks, please let me know. I will pay upwards of $3 dollars or less.

Puerto Rican Cockfighting 101

Sidestep a broken airport modeled walk-through metal detector past a security guard who is staring down at his flip phone, slide your $5 bill through the bee-bee gun bullet proof plastic window, proceed up the final 3 steps, and tighten the strap on the helmet because you’re about to have your mind blown like it’s never been blown before. You’ve just entered a Cockfighting Arena in San Juan, Puerto Rico at 2pm on a Saturday.

Before we go any further, let’s first preface everything by answering the question: what exactly is cockfighting and how did it start?

Cockfighting dates back to the late 70’s when chickens were taking drugs and having tons of unprotected sex. The glory days for Puerto Rican chickens* lead to a great overabundance of these fowls who were trapped on an island with no place to go. Locals quickly grew tired of eating eggs, chicken soup and shish kabob everyday, so they decided to make the chickens fight one another. This would decrease the chicken population by half and serve as entertainment at the same time. 

Cockfighting was born and remains as the highest revenue producing industry in all of Puerto Rico. (Pineapple industry ranks fourth, Tourism is third followed by car spoilers which is second)

By definition, cockfighting is when two steroid infused chickens from the poorest of villages are affixed with razor sharp blades to their chicken feet. In an arena surrounded by screaming, tequila and poultry drunk spectators they are forced to fight to their death. No one is really sure what’s going through the chicken’s pea brain as it’s being lowered 30 feet from the ceiling by a pulley in a clear box. But one thing is a guarantee: both chickens shit themselves. And since almost 98% of chickens cannot speak Spanish - nobody knows for sure if this is a good thing or bad thing for gambling purposes. The shitting means either:

1. He’s scared shitless to take a roundhouse kick to the head by the other chicken, OR
2. He is shitting to make himself lighter and more nimble. Could be perceived as an advantage.

This is an age old debate. 

Either way, this is when you place your bet. And although this is a very well run establishment complete with waitress service and food, when I say ‘place your bet’, I don’t mean you walk up to the betting window similar to a horse track or sportsbook at a casino. This is when you survey your section and wave a fistful of cash and shouting ‘blanco!’ or ‘azule’ (for anyone that has not worked in a restaurant or finished high school, than means ‘white’ or ‘blue’ in Spanish.) These colors refer to one of the two chickens. One is wearing white tape around its ankle, the other blue. The scene resembles the floor of the New York Stock Exchange before there were computers. Only in Spanish. And most of the people are sleeveless. And wearing gold chains. And there’s children present.

Once chicken shit stained clear box is lowered to the astroturf, each chicken is released, mocked, teased, and prodded by it’s ‘trainer’ with a toy plush fake chicken to get him super pissed off and want to kill the other chicken. After this ritual is completed - it’s time to cockfight. The round lasts for 20 minutes and the winner is determined in one of the following disturbing manners (I have given the chickens names):

A. Pedro kicks Jose in the head with his razor blade foot and Jose is killed immediately. Death by knockout. This is a crowd favorite. 

Winner: Pedro

Loser: Jose

B. Jose hit’s Pedro with a peck/roundhouse kick combination triggering something in Pedro’s Central Nervous System sending him flopping into uncontrollable backflips (sometime even landing in the fist row of the arena).  Crowd is going nuts. At this point (if you haven’t already left and made your way to church to repent for what you’re actually sitting through) Pedro is likely about to die and the fight is over. Occasionally a chicken can somehow rebound from this injury and last a couple of more minutes. 

Winner: Probably Jose

Loser: Probably Pedro

C. 17 minutes have gone by and both Pedro and Jose are so bloodied and confused (presumably because they never really wanted to fight in the first place) that they roam around the arena walking in circles. The crowd get uneasy over this. A third chicken is brought into the arena and placed in front of both Pedro and Jose. Pedro walks away because he’s really fucking scared of dying. Jose throws a peck and/or kick at the new chicken. 

Winner: Jose.  

Loser: Pedro because he was a pussy and wouldn’t fight the new chicken.

D.  A long drawn out fight of pecks and kicks leaves Jose tired and bloodied. He is left to die a slow death of repeated pecks his head from Pedro while laying belly up on the astroturf. This is when the ‘referee’ will intervene and stop the fight. By this point cash is already exchanging hands among the crowd. 

Winner: Pedro. 

Loser: Me. For sticking around to watch this unsettling event and recording it.

Here’s 2 short clips. The first is of the actual fight. The second is the aftermath:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTZPk88dOCs&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wudy7v51mjI&feature=youtu.be

Hopefully you aren’t too freaked out or have thrown up this point by this point. But keep in mind this IS legal.

Oh, and you’re probably asking yourself what happens to the losing chickens?  

You just had them for lunch with french fries. 

*Little known fact: The ‘Chicken Dance’ was also invented during this time and is still popular today and most weddings in New Jersey.

For more important information like what you’ve just read, follow me on Twitter @sheriffmooch

Bed Bug Removal Techniques

Bed bugs are flat, reddish-brown, oval insects about 3/16-inch long or the size of an apple seed, and like mosquitoes, feast on human blood to survive. Fucking weird and gross, right? After a blood meal, they can become swollen and reddish. Like an alcoholic. Bed bugs don’t get along with other bugs. Which is not surprising since they’re assholes.

These nocturnal wingless losers live in cracks and crevices including sheets, furniture, behind baseboards, electrical outlet plates and picture frames. They’re often found in hotels, where they can travel from room to room and in visitors’ luggage. Great quality of life, bed bugs.

There’s no debating that once identified, these blood drunk jerks need to GO. There are several tactics to remove this little dipshits from your home. Most involve drugs, and some methods are more expensive than others. Here’s a few:

A. Crack. Buy a few lighters, smoke some crack. Smoking crack will allow you to become very focused and energized. Crawl around the bedroom and burn each bed bug individually. Since females can deposit one to 5 eggs PER DAY and 200-500 in a lifetime. This could take a few days given the number of bed bugs. There is also a chance that the females could reproduce faster than you can burn them and you might never catch up. Make sure you get good crack.

Effectiveness Rating: 4.2

B. Weed. Give the bed bugs free marijuana. This option will go one of two ways; they will get SO high they’ll forget why they were in your bed in the first place and eventually pass out. Then you can scoop them all up and flush them down the toilet or dump them in Staten Island someplace. BUT the adverse effect to this method could worsen the situation greatly. Inhaling marijuana could make the bed bugs VERY hungry and eat you alive (depending on the potency of the marijuana).

Effectiveness Rating: 5.1

C. Bed Bug Party! Invite all former lovers of the current bed bug visitors over for a party without telling them. This will make ALL bed bugs involved feel uncomfortable and everyone will want to leave the party. This is VERY difficult to pull off since most bed bugs don’t have e-mail addresses, Facebook, cell phones, or live long enough to even have a relationship, but if executed - it’s the quickest, most inexpensive method of removal.

Effectiveness Rating: 6.8

D. Befriend the bed bugs. Dress as one yourself and assimilate into their daily rituals and routines. Start drinking blood, sleeping along the baseboard heat or inside of your luggage. Don’t speak. Move VERY slowly. And don’t let any of them see you eating or drinking anything other than blood. This will take weeks but the bed bugs will eventually become bored and move onto the neighbor’s apartment. It’s also important to not develop any romantic relationships with the bed bug(s). It will only prolong the process.

Effectiveness Rating: 9.7

Hopefully you’ll never have to deal with any of these miniature vampires in your home, but if it should happen, use one of these 4 techniques and they will leave. For sure.

For more important information like what you’ve just read, follow me on twitter @sheriffmooch

Craigslist Ad - Free Sand

From: Amici, John

Sent: Thursday, March 29, 2012 4:15 PM

To: Jennifer

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

Hello.  I am very interested in the sand. Are you able to provide any pictures?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/wch/zip/2927768443.html

From: Jennifer

Sent: Thursday, March 29, 2012 5:06 PM

To: Amici, John

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

John,

Here is a picture of the sand. Let me know if you are still interested. Thank you!! 

Jennifer

From: Amici, John

Sent: Thursday, March 29, 2012 5:12 PM

To: Jennifer

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

Jennifer,

Looks pretty good.  Little bit of dirt mixed in there, but still a decent amount of sand. 80/20 mix if I had to guess. How much do you want for the swimming pool?

-John

From: Jennifer

Sent: Thursday, March 29, 2012 5:18 PM

To: Amici, John

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

John,

Sorry but the pool is gone. We got rid of it in the fall. Just the sand is left and the stones that went up to the path. The large pile of on the right is pretty clean. Just a little dirt mixed in. Here is a photo of the stones in case you are interested.

Sent from my iPad

From: Amici, John

Sent: Thursday, March 29, 2012 5:25 PM

To: Jennifer

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

Jennifer,

Thanks for the picture. Stinks about the pool.  :( Summer is right around the corner too.

Those are some decent looking stones. Looks like an igneous/sedimentary blend. 80/20 mix if I had to guess. I just passed a few kidney stones, so I’d prefer to change the subject. I’m sure you understand.

Is the barbecue and/or the tipped over chair available?

-John

From: Jennifer Rader
Sent: Thursday, March 29, 2012 6:18 PM
To: Amici, John
Subject: Re: Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

John,

Sorry about the kidney stones!!!  That sucks!!!  The tipped over chair is mine, but you are welcome to the grill. We are getting a new one!!  Are you still interested in the sand??  When did you want to pick it up??? 

Sent from my iPad

From: Amici, John

Sent: Thursday, March 29, 2012 6:25 PM

To: Jennifer

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

Jennifer,

I really don’t want to talk about the stones anymore, but thanks.

Let me sleep on the sand. (this doesn’t mean I’m coming to your house to sleep on the sand, I just mean I need to think about it. It’s an expression).

I’ll get back to you in the morning if that’s ok. It’s getting dark outside.

-John

From: Amici, John

Sent: Friday, March 30, 2012 8:48 AM

To: Jennifer

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

Good Morning Jennifer,

I hope that you had a good night. Jeopardy was intense, it was a rerun but I hadn’t seen it yet.

I also had some time to sleep on the sand (again, figuratively - not literally) and I think it’s a go. I checked the fine print of my apartment lease and the only restrictions seem to be pets and excessive noise past 10pm. My neighbor is a coroner and has a few large bags he’s going to let me borrow.

Let me know.

Thanks,

John 

From: Jennifer

Sent: Friday, March 30, 2012 10:25 AM

To: Amici, John

Subject: Free Sand (Garrison (Continental Village))

Please don’t contact me anymore.