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Irene: Thanks for shopping with west elm. I’m Irene. How can I help you?
Customer: Hey Irene
Irene: Hello, good afternoon.
Customer: It’s evening, but thanks
Irene: I am in California and its just 5:32 p.m. How can I help you.
Customer: California. That’s awesome. I’ve been to West Palm Beach a few times
Irene: Do you still need assistance?
Customer: enough about vacations
Customer: I have a West Elm couch. (I bought it in New York City, not in West Elm, California)
Irene: Ok how can I help you with your couch?
Customer: No, I don’t need help with my couch. It’s fine, not broken. Just has a couple of spaghetti stains on it
Customer: I’m looking for a new one though
Irene: Your looking for a new couch?
Irene: Ok what questions do you have?
Customer: I’d like one that has a lot of pillows
Customer: But it must be sturdy
Irene: Have you looked at our web site for the sofas?
Customer: I did, yesterday.
Customer: And this morning, but the wifi isn’t all that great in my garage basement
Irene: The Toss back sofa, Dunham Down-filled sofa and the Walton sofa all have pillows.
Irene: All 3 of the sofas are sturdy.
Customer: Which one is the sturdiest
Irene: I would say any one of the sofa would be sturdy for you. The Walton frame is thicker than the other 2.
Customer: Are you assuming that I am overweight because I eat spaghetti?
Irene: No that never crossed my mind. You asked about the sofa being sturdy.
Customer: Oh. Because when you said that the the “sofa would be sturdy for you”, it sounded more like, “the sofa would even be sturdy for YOU. Fatass. LOL.”
Irene: Sorry I do not talk like that. Do you have any other questions regarding our sofas?
Customer: Ok, apology accepted.
Customer: Now this might seem like a silly question, but is any way to combine any of the sofas?
Irene: Sorry not sure I understand your question. Combine any of the sofas?
Customer: Yes, to combine, say, the Dunham and Walton sofa to make one extra sturdy sofa. We can call it the ‘Dunham Watson’.
Customer: ”It’s elementary my Dunham Watson’. - (Sherlock Holmes, 1586)
Irene: Unfortunately we can not combine sofas. Since they may come from different vendors.
Irene: Do you have any other questions?
Customer: I see
Customer: If I were to buy both sofas, take them apart, and bolt the wooden sections together, do you think that would work?
Irene: I am sorry I can not address that. I do not know anything about furniture structure nor it that would even be possible. Also if you take them apart any warranty would be null and void.
Customer: Shoot. What does the warranty cover then?
Irene: Warranty covers only any manufacturer defects after 30 days.
Irene: Do you still need assistance?
Customer: ok, so bolting the two couches together is out of the question
Customer: because if i messed up, then I would be screwed (no pun intended. LMAO ROTFL. (ok yes it was)) (double parenthesis)
Irene: Well if you purchase both the sofas obviously they are yours to do what you will with them Yes the warranty would then be invalid.
Customer: Do you sell L-brackets, like to hold up shelves?
Irene: Unfortunately we do not sell L-brackets. I am sorry. .
Customer: But I could probably get them at Home Depot
Customer: or Lowes
Customer: or Ace Hardware
Customer: or Restoration Hardware
Customer: or my neighbor. (he’s a recreational welder)
Irene: I would say yes you could get them at the large hardware stores.
Customer: because then I could reinforce the legs of the sofa with the L-bracket
Irene: I am guessing you could do that but any alterations you make to the furniture will again void the warranty.
Customer: right, but if the L-bracket idea failed, then I could just unscrew them and say that a chipmunk ate through the legs
Customer: then return the sofa
Irene: The chipmunk situation probably would not fly either. Do you have any other questions?
Customer: There’s no way anyone could prove it. Also chipmunks can’t fly. You’re thinking of raccoons.
Customer: and if you told on me, I would just say that a gopher did it instead
Irene: Do you still need assistance?
Customer: lets recap
Customer: you named 3 of your sturdiest couches
Customer: I am interested in 2 of them
Customer: what is the total cost
Irene: No I gave you names of sofas with lots of pillows. I advised you that of the 3 1 sofa looked the sturdiest.
Customer: there’s 31 sturdy sofas?
Customer: why did you only mention the 2
Irene: Again I gave you 3 sofas with lots of pillow as was 1 of your 1st questions.
Customer: right, pillows help make the couch sturdy
Customer: so how much for the sturdiest one
Irene: I can not tell you which one is the sturdiest. All of our sofas meet all safety standards. You will need to choose the one your like the best.
Customer: ok, lets go with the Waldorf Astoria
Customer: sorry, Walton
Irene: So you want to know the cost of the Walton correct?
Customer: yeah, and I don’t like to haggle. So just give me your best price
Irene: Which size do you want 84” or 94” and what is your zip code please.
Customer: definitely the 94. I’m gonna need all the space I can get
Irene: Sorry where do you live?
Customer: in an apartment
Customer: not sure why that matters though
Irene: In order to get the cost of the sofa I need to place an order and will need your zip . Do you live in the United States?
Customer: oh, duh
Customer: yeah, I live in New York City. My zip code is 212
Customer: sorry about that
Irene: I am trying to answer your questions as best as I can and now I need to let you know that the 94” sofa all the fabric is special order which means it will take a minimum of 8 to 10 weeks for delivery. Is there a fabric you would like and color?.
Customer: let’s go with white
Customer: I’m just going to cover it in plastic anyway. might as well brighten up the garage basement
Irene: Sorry? Are you at the website for the Walton?
Customer: no, I’m on the West Elm website
Irene: There is no white fabric. Please help me to provide you with the answers you want. You need to pick a fabric and the color so that I can place a test order to get the cost of the sofa for you.
Customer: I’ll take the cheapest fabric, like I said - it will be covered in plastic
Customer: How much does the 94 foot Walton in the cheapest, lightest color fabric cost
Irene: Just a minute please.
Irene: In order for me to give you a price on the 94” Walton sofa YOU need to pick the fabric and color. If you are unable to pick the fabric and color I will be unable to help you further.
Customer: give me the orange in cotton
Irene: I am sorry I can not help you.
Customer: why not?
Irene: Because you are not giving me a name of a fabric or color that we have for the Walton sofa.
Customer: I’m looking at the page right now
Customer: on the left side. I chose a fabric and a color
Customer: just as you asked
Customer: and now you’re getting mad at me. :(
Irene: Did you click on the Walton sofa?
Irene: All the fabrics have names. What is the name of the fabric you want?
Customer: faux suede
Customer: in golden gate
Customer: now we’re getting somewhere
Irene: The Faux Suede does not come in Golden Gate. The Faux Suede comes in Bone Pin-dot, Charcoal Herringbone, Saddle Herringbone, Espresso Herringbone and Paprika Herringbone.
Customer: How many herrings had to die to make all of these sofas
Customer: Charcoal sounds good
Irene: Just a minute I am placing the test order now.
Customer: ok. here is my in the meantime here is my social security number 141-23-5912
Irene: I do not need your social security number
Irene: Here is the breakdown of the charges. Merchandise $1,119.
Irene: Merchandise $1,119.00, shipping and handling $119.90, shipping surcharge $100.00, tax $125.86 total: $1,544.76..
Customer: whats the difference between ‘shipping and handling’ and ‘shipping surcharge’?
Irene: Shipping and handling charges are intended to compensate our company for processing your order, handling and packing the products you purchase, delivering them to you, related overhead. Shipping surcharge apply to furniture, rugs and other large items that are bulky or heavy.
Customer: so I’m paying extra because I need a sturdy sofa
Irene: No. The shipping and handling and shipping surcharge applies to most of our furniture. It has nothing to do with sturdiness.
Customer: is it because it has herring in it?
Irene: Do you have any questions regarding the cost of the Walton sofa?
Customer: yes, this is your BEST price?
Irene: The price is correct.
Customer: knock $345 off the price
Irene: I am sorry I am unable to do that.
Irene: If you would like to place an order you can do that online or you can call Customer Service 1-866-937-8356 and an associate will be able to help you.
Customer: I told you that I don’t like to negotiate.
Irene: I am not negotiating with you the price is correct.
Customer: If you are not willing to not negotiate, then I’m afraid that we can’t do business together
Irene: I understand your position.
Customer: it doesn’t seem like you do